In recent years we have seen the destruction and degradation not only of the Institute family but also parenting. The education of the younger generation are so destructive that adulthood consists of people with firmly imprinted children's herbs, mental weakness, and in some cases and disorders. Depression, sadness, the desire to feel sorry for yourself, pride, jealousy, boastfulness – these and many other evils take roots from my childhood.
The parents are very different – someone strangling a child with his hyperopia, others condone any activities of Chad, while others arrange a personal life, and paid little attention to the necessity of education. And almost every parent thinks the child he obliged by birth. Must obey, must choose a model of life, which imposes a mom or dad, and to think as, in their opinion, is correct. And if the child suddenly rebels and tries to go his own way, trying everything new, chooses their own environment and occupation, then the parent wakes up "righteous" educational activity, which continues to destroy the personality of the child.
Today we will review 10 common mistakes of parents who through the years child takes with him into adulthood.
10. Such a child I don't need
If the baby does not behave as expected of him by parents or environment, you then may be followed by destructive personality phrase: "this kid I don't need". She has a lot of modifications "and why I gave birth to you", "you're my fault, exchanged for another at the store," "give birth instead of another kid" etc. the Child understands that it is necessary for parents only as they see it. In order to be near mom and dad, you should become a submissive robot without feelings and desires. The ability to adapt, to hold loved ones, saved the baby into adulthood. He understands that what is, few people need, so wearing a mask of hypocrisy and conformity and all life plays the role of a man who can please others. They can be managed only by finding sore spots from childhood, speaking of a cherished phrase, "we break up, if...", "I will not talk to you if...".
9. Mother's leaving you
Another way of manipulation of parents by children. Baby uttering such a phrase, you leave it in fear and anxiety, and sometimes wild despair. As it is, only close and native person may at any time to leave you alone if you back off. Over time, the child has overcome a dependence on parents, but develops other extreme – not to trust and not to trust anyone in his life. Such people do not seek help and does not offer it, he cannot make friends and builds a personal relationship because he realizes that at any moment could lose good people. On the one hand, this position is sober and fair to today's world, and on the other it does not allow us to let in his heart and soul is really a wonderful people, to trust them, to share feelings, make plans and link some of your dreams.
8. I know better what you need
And all my life parents "know better" where the child to learn, make friends with anyone, who you love, where to work and what to have a hobby. It starts from childhood, when with an obvious talent for design or drawing, the mother gives the baby on ballroom dancing or singing, because she always wanted to implement it. The mother said her own childhood traumas and unrealised potential, so it can only regret. Many of us were hostages of such education, to name a few, in fact, someone else's life. At one point we realize that "our pants" on the hated work, Wake up the next morning with a strange person, called the spouse, and the inside continues to quietly die not born an astronaut, a naturalist or a designer. Most importantly, what can a parent for his child is to closely monitor the first interests from an early age and inspired to stimulate a child to develop their talents. But if you are worried about the environment – invite to the house and try to make friends with new friends or objects sighing of a child.
7. You're a boy
One of the most dangerous ways to spoil her son's life – to form of infantile and dependent man, who is not committed to the goal, has no right to reciprocity in relationships, and the ability to Express your feelings. For this reason, statistics is inexorable – men more likely to die from cardiovascular and endocrine pathologies, and the average period of life for a few years behind for women. In childhood baby cries because it's so out of his primary injury: the fears, worries, frustration, resentment, anger. After such an act it is to get rid of pain and can continue a normal life. And not letting your son cry, because man, you see, are not supposed to, tantamount to murder his personality. By the way, the gender focus of the education takes place in a girl's life. The latter is not allowed to answer sharply, to fight back the enemy – in fact, she's the future lady. And so formed the people with unexpressed (repressed) feelings and emotions, which erupt in adulthood in the form of depression and psychosis.
6. I'll call my dad
Attempt to raise fear and contempt of "bad COP" is a disgusting female trait. Of course, every mother wants a full "reign" over her child, so the poor role of education literally takes off on his father, they say, better don't. Yes, and the Pope, who does not want to build their child, but only love and pity, negligent mother kicks, saying "what kind of a father, who do not care for the child, let's show some toughness". Thus, the matriarchal power in the family blooms riotous color, a woman at the same time gets under the heel "of the father-despot", and suppresses his own "I" of the child. It is not surprising that modern children are pathologically addicted mothers, no respect for fathers and formed the moral cripples who used to solve all life's problems "through third parties".
5. Mom because of you bad
We all remember the situation when mom has a headache, fever or felt weak, and the binding is well-being to the child's behavior. God forbid, a child got a tattoo, smoked or started Dating a "bad" partner, mom's immediately panic attack and hysteria, migraine, about tears. From childhood the child is charged with a sense of guilt for the moral and physical health of loved ones, forming in this unhealthy conformism and a desire to indulge "wishlist" of other people. The most critical situation that a mother can cold refers to the child after the divorce with his father. Growing up, he realizes that all his life served the mother with a reminder and link with unloved man, which was manifested in attitudes and upbringing. The only chance for such people – faster to skim from overwhelming parents, proportioned to inform them of the facts about his life, not to give scalping them for selfish requests.
4. Look at John/Mary
Comparison of your one of unique baby with someone else is a huge mistake adults. It creates a desire to meet any idols, sometimes totally inadequate, while the man can only compare herself with him yesterday to succeed. The inferiority complex against the background of inconsistencies "mother's Pets" people take to their adulthood, which leads to dissatisfaction with their appearance, figure, work a loved one. In the end, people reach despair that they are always supposedly worse than anyone (for the most there are subjective standards), instead of to see the advantages, unique features and develop them further. Loneliness and violation of the self – that's what the grown child in independent living.
3. So, everything is clear
Can you add to this the famous "I remember", "God sees everything and will punish", "Santa Claus does not bring gifts to such a spoiled child." Voila, your child lives in fear that his slightest misstep is cause for righteous anger of the Universe, the strongest punishment, pain. The child is constantly feeling stress in his activities, and in the future learns to hide from parents chicanery and error, but would not be cursed, not to endure severe punishment and bright of the evil emotions in their favor. I think even it is not necessary to say that trust between relatives in a family will not.
2. Most importantly, don't touch anything
The natural need of the child is the knowledge and the modification of the world. From the first years he wants to feel, to touch, to make out details, only to understand how the subject matter and our life in General. Banning phrase from the category "slow down", "don't touch", "don't go", "do not eat", etc. are destructive for 2 reasons. First, the thirst of knowledge, the child not to beat the big world is fascinating, beckoning him with her amazing wonders. Just the kid will learn to hide from parents the act of cognition and its results. Second, the "forbidden fruit is sweet", so now, with a warmed you own curiosity, the child will most certainly want to know how to "run", "touch", "walk", etc. In the future, adults continue to cultivate the fear of being caught, they are easy to manage and to impose their views.
1. What, mom not like you?
The speculation on feelings of the child is a serious educational offence. As the baby is connected to her mother biologically and energetically, maybe not love her? In this case, this issue – malicious manipulation, forcing the child needs the mother's actions to prove his love. They say if you love something and prove you can do what I want. When a manipulation is triggered in childhood, the mother continues her and more adult "I'm a bad mother", "you don't call anymore", "you are now less likely to listen," etc. And instead of my mother to know that you're an adult and you know how to live, we begin to bend over backwards to fawn and again to please her "wishlist". Lifelong guilt and a desire to prove his love destroys and adult personality. And because love is not mutual sacrifice and compromise, and creativity and creativity for the benefit of each of the personalities.
People read books, attend trainings, learn from the experience of good teachers and psychologists. Installation, imposed on us from childhood by parents and society, lead to the fact that we bring up the same depressed, unhappy and reserved people with a lot of childhood traumas and complexes. Will come out of this vicious circle and give the world a full and creative person.